Every girl is a little bit crazy…
I’m not that great at expressing myself with people.
I’m a writer. I feel much more comfortable behind a pen or a keyboard. In writing, the risk of saying things you will regret is much slimmer. One can think and craft and filter words so that they say exactly what it is you want to express in the most elegant way possible.
Writing is sort of like acting in a way. Except that you are not becoming the best possible version of someone else, but the best possible version of yourself.
My insecurities on a day to day basis plague me like gnats. Sometimes I feel like the most insecure woman on the planet. I worry that I’m not fun or whimsical enough. I worry about boring people with the things I like to talk about like music, faith, art, and movies.
I worry about not being pretty enough.
I fret over letting someone get to know me better because I am so afraid that I won’t be what they expected. I also stress that by caring so much about what someone thinks of me I’m not caring enough about that other person.
It a never ending game that oscillates between being needy and giving back.
I used to watch the show Scrubs. There was an episode once where one of the main female characters, Elliot, started dating this guy named Paul. She was terrified of letting all her “crazy” come out in front of him. She would say to her friends, “I don’t know that I can hide the crazy from Paul much longer!” So the whole episode she was putting on this façade of being in control. She wanted him to think she had it all together and that she was calm, cool, collected and refined. When he would leave she would turn to her friend and begin a shrill, high pitched, panicked rant about how she wasn’t good enough. By the end of the episode she couldn’t hold it in any longer and all her “crazy” exploded in front of him in one emotional display.
I think every girl has a bit of crazy in her that she tries to hide and cover up out of the fear of scaring off the people she meets.
Its silly I know but its reality.
And maybe I’m really not as crazy as I feel sometimes. I think the “crazy” that we all talk about is just our own insecurities that to everyone else is just the aspects of you that make you you!
I believe its important to reassure those around you. Compliment them, draw attention to their strengths and laugh at the craziness. Be honest with yourself and others.
It’s the honesty in life and relationships that create an environment of comfort and the craziness that makes life fun and excititng!